Self-Imploding Authors, just add crazy

I’m late to this party, but when I found it via Making Light I couldn’t resist blogging about it:

Candace Sams, author of Electra Galaxy’s Mr. Interstellar Feller (mass-market paperback, Dorchester/Love Spell), has exploded all over a comment thread on Amazon. She’s posting as Niteflyr One, but the comment thread has her ID’d as the author as of comment #8.

Head’s up, newbie writers, it is a bad idea to comment on reviews of your work.  It’s a really bad idea to start a flame war over your work.  The following is on page #2 of 26(!) pages of comments:

NOTE TO READERS: authors leave themselves open for attack by having their work posted for sale…they hope that if there’s anything engaging about the books, someone might say so. They hope that if others don’t like the books, they will find a more tactful, professional and mature way to express themselves. They (the authors) hope that so-called reviewers (often shameful people who abuse the power Amazon provides) will not directly try to keep the author from making a living.

That is only a short little segment of a tirade where our author decides to rant and insult her audience.  Always a smooth move.  You know, if you are this insecure and thin skinned, maybe you should find another line of work.  But, as I said, page #2. Hasn’t slowed down a bit by #4:

Because, that’s the way the business works in some New York venues. Only the highest paid authors won’t have their manuscripts ripped apart by some editors. As to my bad author behavior…I’m getting a lot of email telling me to stand my ground…from people who ARE buying my books.

Lady, an editor “ripping apart” your manuscript is a sign you have a sucktastic editor.  And, if your fans told you to jump off a bridge. . .

And this is yet another tactic of those who won’t let the author have an opinion.

You’re allowed to have opinions, and guess what? No one has to like them.

Maybe posters – like you – who don’t like negative feedback from authors should consider your words?

I decline the obvious cheap shot and just say, Ms. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle.
Skip to Page #6:

And I’ll repeat this whether any of you like hearing it or not….authors have a right to defend themselves. I’m not sure why any of you think I’d care what you thought at this or any point. Anyone who’d crawl over here, getting into a conversation that ‘should’ have stayed between me and the original author of the review is just trolling for publicity.

Um, everyone has a right to defend themselves. Everyone has the right to make a fool of themselves. And everyone has a right to mock the foolish. And I am sure everyone is trolling Amazon comment threads of midlist romance titles just looking for that elusive internet buzz that will make them a name for themselves. (Cripes, what universe does that even make sense in?)

Again….I cannot make this clear enough…surely someone on this list speaks English and can translate for the rest of you…I don’t care if you buy one of my titles. Some of you are authors looking for some free publicity, that’s why you’re over here – shooting with whatever side you feel is the one that’s winning. This is an old, old marketing ploy. I’m not hearing anything negative from any of ‘my’ readers….just those trolling for some attention.

Note, this person is crying about attention whores when she herself has posted almost half the comments so far. Also, she’s the only author getting publicity out of this, by this point in the thread, people have mentioned links coming from Dear Author, e-mail lists, and other industry websites. It is a very popular trainwreck. A veritable meme.

Skip ahead to page #10, and she still hasn’t got it.

Again…I’m supposed to be the crazy one? Look how many are haunting this site just to tell me how sincerely insane I am. What about me threatens you all that you have to move in en masse?

I don’t care if this is a train wreck, car wreck or a full-out gutting. I stand by my right to say what I please. That you would shut up isn’t my problem. I’m not you and that’s the entire point. People don’t have to respond the way you think they should; the way you think is appropriate.

Kind of sad by now.

Page #11

I don’t want your kind of business. There are millions and millions of readers out there who couldn’t give a fig’s difference about this entire conversation. There are probably only fifty people on this post site who canNOT believe I’d do something so incredulous as simply stand up for my right to question a reviewer. How flaming dare I? Who am I after all? What gives me the absolute, unmitigated gall to confront a reviewer?

We don’t need no steenking logic. Of course people are trolling for publicity on a comment thread no one cares about. And to hazard an answer to the rhetorical question: A deep-seated insecurity, a lack of self-awareness, denial deep and wide enough to flood all of Egypt, a pathological need to get the last word, and an inability to admit you might have made a mistake. Am I close?

And, as you can CLEARLY see….others ARE linking the posters over here. And where a carcass has been presented…maggots will be found.

Obviously she’s working overtime to compensate for the damage of a one-star Amazon review.

As to my editor…only the office staff under him is answering the phone. He hasn’t been heard from in many, many months

Like I said, craptastic editor.

Page #12

there’s one more illiterate person I won’t have to send a hooked-on-phonics primer.

By Page #15 we have the threat of law-enforcement action.

A post was sent that involved a threat.
When I was made aware the facts and what happened and how the law reads, I told Amazon.com about the matter – I was on the phone with them very early this morning. They’ve been sent an email bearing a copy of the message in question. An investigative agency in charge of cyber stalking was also contacted…not by Amazon but by me! They also have a copy of the message. I’m told that a felony ‘might’ have been committed. If that was the case I WILL file charges against the person who made that threat, as a witness to it.

By page #17

Okay guys…I’ve just downloaded all the comments made on this site as per the FBI’s instructions…I don’t care if you believe it or not. The threat wasn’t made on this site…please read what I wrote…it was sent elsewhere. And I don’t care if you believe that, either.

Followed up by a desperate Hail Mary play to make the bleeding stop:

If you’re posting,your names are on a Federal report leading up to a threat that was made against me. The Feds wanted to know who everyone was…IC3 stands for Internet Crime. And I don’t care, once again, if you believe a single word I say…no skin off my back…that’s just how crazy I really am.

At which point she’s jumped a shark of cosmic proportions when Neil Gaiman (yes, that Neil Gaiman) twitters about her assclownish performance.  Followed by Patrick Nielsen Hayden (yes that Patrick Nielsen Hayden) leaving comments on her thread of epic fail.

At this point, it seems to have sunk in.  Her last documented appearance:

Oh…since I’m a cop…I doubt it…but whatever helps you get through the day.

Complete and utter meltdown.