A plea to parents. . .

Your kids are grown, you own your own house, and you have at least some desire not to inflict upon your children the kind of hell me, my wife, and my in-laws have been going through. I offer 10 tips to keep your house from becoming the 9th circle of hades.

1. If you patronize the Dollar Store, and find at least four bags of crap still in the wrappers with the price tags on them back home when you’re putting purchases away, stop patronizing the Dollar Store.
2. If a utility bill is over ten years old, it is safe to dispose of.
3. If you’ve been unable to enter a closet in the past five years, nothing in that closet is particularly important, toss the stuff.
4. If you have valuable stuff you’ve stopped using (china, jewelry, crystal) give it to the kids and grandkids. “Promising” it to them is a cop out, and if you lose it mentally you’ve insured that your kids will spend more energy fighting each other than taking care of you.
5. Vacuuming is not optional, the dust bunnies should not be larger than the cat.
6. You should not end two Christmases in a row with more wrapping paper or empty boxes than you started with.
7. Televisions that do not work are not worth keeping.
8. 8-Track is a dead medium.
9. If your kids didn’t take it, they probably don’t want it.
10. Rule of thumb, if it’s food, and the label has faded enough to be difficult to read, throw it out.